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I can't believe how many people paw at our baby, if they had their way she would be kissed more times than the Blarney Stone. Clare and I have had to develop polite ways to dissuade people, but I'm going to swing for someone soon.
By Dad
One of my pet hates is when someone points something out to me on my computer. All they need do is tell me where to look or to just point, but more often than not they touch the screen with their grubby finger and leave a dirty great print on my screen. Why do they have to actually touch the screen?
Then you get people who use my computer to take a quick look on the Internet (without asking usually), instead of opening a new browser they load their page over what I was looking at. I've even had some people install software on my machine, and it's taken me ages to get it back to normal. Now everyone who knows me, knows that no one is allowed near my computer.
Then there is my Sunday newspapers. I've had people pick through, take out sections, crumple sections, tear out articles, take it to the toilet, and have the cheek to tell me all about articles they have read in my newspaper before I've had chance to read it. This no longer happens, I get a virgin newspaper on Sunday and no one is allowed to touch it.
I never expected I'd have the same problem with our baby. Whenever I've seen a friends baby I've looked and not touched. The last thing I would dream of is picking the baby up without asking and planting a great big kiss on it's mouth! Sometimes the Parent asks if you would like to hold them, or feed them. I always decline, but if they pass the baby to me I'm happy to hold them for a little while. The little mite can rest assured I'm not going to stick my finger in their mouth or kiss them, it will just be a little hold. I may throw in a little bounce if I'm feeling crazy.
Well I've watched people kiss our baby without asking, I've seen dirty finger nailed people touch her face. She's been picked up without permission, lifted into the air (she vomited), people have stuck their faces right up to hers and breathed stale cigarettes on her (can be very dangerous to breathe on a baby after smoking). What's the point in sterilising her bottles, only to have someone breath all over her, and touch and kiss her mouth?
My first reaction when this happens is pure shock that anyone would physically touch a very young baby without asking the Parents permission. Then I get a strong instinct to give the perpetrator a sound beating. I have thus far resisted the temptation, and Clare and I use teamwork and hidden signals like a military operation to reclaim our baby.
One time she was resting in her swing, she had a little cry because she wanted feeding early. We are used to this, it's only a minute or so before she drops off to sleep until her actual feed time. Well we had a guest over who promptly picked her up out of her swing and started lifting her up, and kissing her face. Before I could intervene she had vomited, our guest picked up a dirty tea towel off the floor (which we had used to clean up a spilled coffee) and wiped her face with it.
Another time we were out with her, and she was in the pram. She was getting pawed at and fussed over again and she looked uncomfortable. She was sick again, so I picked her up out of the pram and Clare passed me a baby wipe. This person was still stroking her face and fussing over her when she was in my arms being cleaned up. I turned my body round to block but they kept walking round me, I couldn't have made it more obvious that I wanted them off her. I had to pass her to Clare, and this individual still followed her and was stroking her face.
This really made my blood boil, I weighed up the option of giving them a slap. I mean if I started kissing someone's wife, then began stroking her face I'd expect more than a slap! Assuming they weren't swingers that is.
I'd be intrigued to know if any of you have had a similar experiences, or do we just know some deeply strange people? Or am I strange, and most Parents love having their babies kissed and passed around?
I'm going to make a few enemies if it happens again, polite gestures don't work. Unsubtle body blocking doesn't work, so I'm just going to have to do what I did with my computer and Sunday newspapers when I ran out of patience. I'll just say 'I don't like people touching our baby' and take her back. I mean it's no more rude than the person who takes it upon themselves to touch her without our permission.
I don't know if it will come to that though, because we can now predict when it's going to happen and take preventative measures. Clare usually manages to get to Amélie first and keeps her safe from the broody bunch. On the other side most of our family and friends are polite enough to keep their hands and lips to themselves, and they always ask if it's okay to hold her, especially mothers with young children of their own.
Remember, if you have had a similar experience, or have ways of dealing with it I'd love to hear from you.
THAT WAS THE MOST COMFORTING PIECE OF INFORMATION IVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE.I HAVE BECOME SO TRAUMATISED BY EXACTLY THE SAME EXPERIENCES AS YOU THAT I HONESTLY CAME IN FROM TOWN TODAY, SAT AT MY COMPUTER, &TYPED IN TO MY SEARCH ENGINE THE WORDS PROBLEMS+WITH+OTHER+PEOPLE+TOUCHING+BABY AND CAME ACROSS THIS GOD SENT SITE! I THOUGHT I WAS AN OVER PROTECTIVE PSYCHO MOTHER BECAUSE WHENEVER I SEEM TO TALK ABOUT THIS TO OTHER PEOPLE THE ONLY RESPONSE I SEEM TO GET IS "OH PEOPLE ARE JUST BEING NICE" BUT TO ME BEING NICE IS RESPECTING OTHER PEOPLES BOUNDARIES & KNOWING THAT SOME PEOPLE DONT LIKE OTHER PEOPLE TOUCHING THEIR BABY.THE ONE I CANT STAND IS WHEN STRANGERS STOP AND START GRABBING AT MY DAUGHTERS HAND &TRYING TO GET HER TO HOLD THEIR FINGER, MY IMMIDIATE THOUGHT IS "WHERE THE HELL HAS THEIR HAND BEEN??" IF THEIR MANNERS ARE ANYTHING TO GO BY PROBABLY SCRATCHING THEIR ARSE OR GOING TO THE TOILET WITHOUT WASHING THEIR HANDS. EVEN MY MOTHER IN LAW SEEMED TO THINK IT WAS OK TO HELP HERSELF TO BOTTLE FEEDING MY NEWBORN WHILE I WENT TO THE TOILET WITHOUT ASKING- I HAD PREVIOUSLY BREASTFED &STILL SHARED A BOND WITH MY DAUGHTER DURING FEEDING TIMES WHICH I WAS ONLY WILLING TO SHARE WITH MY PARTNER BUT SHE ENDED UP BEING PASSED AROUND THE ROOM FOR EVERYONE TO 'HAVE A LITTLE GO'.I EVEN REQUESTED AFTER GIVING BIRTH THAT I DIDNT WANT THE HOSPITAL STAFF TO TOUCH HER AS I FELT IT WAS AN UNNATURAL PROCESS FOR A NEWBORN BUT MY WISHES WERE JUST TOTALLY DISMISSED. IM AT THE POINT OF STUFFING PEOPLES FEELINGS-IVE HAD 10WEEKS OF THIS &IM NOT WILLING TO BE ALL POLITE TO PEOPLE ANYMORE-NOT WHEN IM GETTING THIS FRUSTRATED WITH IT. IM JUST GOING TO BE STRAIGHT DOWN THE LINE AS IM A BETTER PARENT TO MY DAUGHTER WHEN IM NOT WORKED UP SO THATS THE WAY IM GOING TO LOOK AT IT.BEING PROTECTIVE &WARY OF OTHERS IS A GOOD THING &ENSURES THE SAFELY &WELL-BEING OF OUR LITTLE BABIES.I'LL LET YOU KNOW HOW &GET ON WITH THE STRAIGHT FORWARD APPROACH,I'LL PROBABLY FIND IT DIFFICULT WITH LITTLE OLD LADIES (THE WORST OFFENDERS!) BUT I'LL TRY A SLIGHTLY MORE TASTEFUL APPROACH WITH THEM.
It's 10 months since I wrote this article and we still have people grabbing our baby and kissing her on the lips! By now I just let rip. At her Christening Clare told me someone dipped their finger in Champagne and were about to put it in her mouth but she caught it in time.
I guess we are over-sensitive but there are limits. Most people would know not to feed someone else's baby without permission especially such a young baby that the Mother is still bonding with.
Good luck with your new approach. The people we have told not to kiss her on the lips have never done it again, but strangers are still a problem. Perhaps we should design a baby grow or t-shirt with "Please don't kiss me, prod me or feed me without asking Mum!" printed on the front.
hi guys, I know this post is old now but my baby Millie is 13 weeks old and I typed that into google and ended up on your site! This story made me laugh as I was just complaining to hubby yesterday how some people and some cultures treat babies so differently. My Japanese sister in law met 10 week old Millie for the first time and grapped a nearby rattle and shook it violently in her face for ages. I'm talking about 5cm away from my poppets nose ;-) Then yesterday at the corner shop the Indian owner asked to hold Millie. I felt awkward as she was due for a sleep and gets crochety quickly then, however the lady is friendly and I didnt want to be rude. She picked Millie up, laye her back in her arms and proceeded to play what I can only describe as a 'dropping game'!! Only dropping her arms a matter of a cm or two, but seriously!! Millie looked worried, startled then inevitably cried ;-) I made excuses for her being tired and hot and ran for the hills. I try not to get too precious but it does make me open my mouth in surprise! There is no slur intended on any other cultures, just a funny realiation that we all do things differently, but it seems weird to me to be so forward with a strangers baby!
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